Even though its nowhere near Valentine's Day, this shit it still hilarious.. Thought you'd like it because, you know - "It is possible that it is your destiny to marry a banana. Don't let that chance slip away."
Everyone falls in love: even bananas By: Mat Thornburg Humor Columnist
It's the week before Valentine's Day and the opinion page seems to be gushing with sentiment. Everyone is dipping into the spirits; I mean getting into the spirit. Strangers are proposing to each other in the streets. Love poems are springing out of Xerox machines. Candy hearts are being used to melt the ice on the sidewalks.
Even bananas seem to be caught up in all the romantic sentiment. Under a flashing light on the Sundial salad bar written in green neon letters on a small black sign I read the following touching romantic message, "Bananas are out until wed."
It did my heart good to think that the bananas had resigned from their post as mere edibles, and had gone on a quest to find their one true love.
It seems that the bananas will not be returning until they are married.
Are these bananas simply delusional in believing that anyone could ever love something that is part of a balanced breakfast, or are they truly noble in believing that Cupid has an arrow in his quiver for them?
To discover the answer to this question, I had to find someone who could help me delve deep into the true nature of the banana. I needed someone who really knew his bananas. I needed someone who was bananas.
Enter a man who, for the purposes of this column, wishes to be referred to as The "Ba-nah-na" Man of Darrow.
"Banahnas don't spoil, they take on different flavors," He said in a slight British accent. They make good mates "because they are very easy to shop for." He believes that "banahnas are out there looking for someone to share a sundae with."
I find his insight into the world of the banana to be quite fascinating. I think his statements give validity to the bananas' crusade for a soul mate.
This new information leaves me with another question. How do bananas undertake such an expedition?
They must have told someone what they had planned to do. That's why there was a sign sitting on the shelf above the yogurt.
Someone is probably carrying them from place to place. It wouldn't be very attractive for them to be rolling around on the ground. By the time they find who they're looking for, they would be very dirty.
Speaking may also be a challenge for them. They most likely don't have vocal chords or an electronic voice box. Maybe the same person who is carrying them is speaking for them and asking people, "Will you marry these bananas?"
This sort of directness could really blow the bananas' chances with prospective lovers.
Love is something that must be built gradually over time. Some people use alcohol to speed up the process. This would not work for the banana. It is searching for a love that will lead it to the altar, not a love that will lead it to a headache and a feeling of regret.
I would like to help these Kreischer eatery bananas out because I admire their courage and willingness to believe in their dreams.
I would like to ask that everyone try to start a relationship with these love-pilgrim bananas. Have a long talk with them. Find out who they are. Spend some time peeling one. What are their favorite books? What do they do when no one is watching? How do they really feel about apples?
The banana may not become your special someone, but you may make a friend for life. After spending a long time together, you may also discover new smells that you had never imagined ---- even in your wildest dreams.
It is possible that it is your destiny to marry a banana. Don't let that chance slip away.
21 comments:
Even though its nowhere near Valentine's Day, this shit it still hilarious.. Thought you'd like it because, you know -
"It is possible that it is your destiny to marry a banana. Don't let that chance slip away."
Everyone falls in love: even bananas
By: Mat Thornburg
Humor Columnist
It's the week before Valentine's Day and the opinion page seems to be gushing with sentiment. Everyone is dipping into the spirits; I mean getting into the spirit.
Strangers are proposing to each other in the streets. Love poems are springing out of Xerox machines. Candy hearts are being used to melt the ice on the sidewalks.
Even bananas seem to be caught up in all the romantic sentiment. Under a flashing light on the Sundial salad bar written in green neon letters on a small black sign I read the following touching romantic message, "Bananas are out until wed."
It did my heart good to think that the bananas had resigned from their post as mere edibles, and had gone on a quest to find their one true love.
It seems that the bananas will not be returning until they are married.
Are these bananas simply delusional in believing that anyone could ever love something that is part of a balanced breakfast, or are they truly noble in believing that Cupid has an arrow in his quiver for them?
To discover the answer to this question, I had to find someone who could help me delve deep into the true nature of the banana. I needed someone who really knew his bananas. I needed someone who was bananas.
Enter a man who, for the purposes of this column, wishes to be referred to as The "Ba-nah-na" Man of Darrow.
"Banahnas don't spoil, they take on different flavors," He said in a slight British accent. They make good mates "because they are very easy to shop for." He believes that "banahnas are out there looking for someone to share a sundae with."
I find his insight into the world of the banana to be quite fascinating. I think his statements give validity to the bananas' crusade for a soul mate.
This new information leaves me with another question. How do bananas undertake such an expedition?
They must have told someone what they had planned to do. That's why there was a sign sitting on the shelf above the yogurt.
Someone is probably carrying them from place to place. It wouldn't be very attractive for them to be rolling around on the ground. By the time they find who they're looking for, they would be very dirty.
Speaking may also be a challenge for them. They most likely don't have vocal chords or an electronic voice box. Maybe the same person who is carrying them is speaking for them and asking people, "Will you marry these bananas?"
This sort of directness could really blow the bananas' chances with prospective lovers.
Love is something that must be built gradually over time. Some people use alcohol to speed up the process. This would not work for the banana. It is searching for a love that will lead it to the altar, not a love that will lead it to a headache and a feeling of regret.
I would like to help these Kreischer eatery bananas out because I admire their courage and willingness to believe in their dreams.
I would like to ask that everyone try to start a relationship with these love-pilgrim bananas. Have a long talk with them. Find out who they are. Spend some time peeling one. What are their favorite books? What do they do when no one is watching? How do they really feel about apples?
The banana may not become your special someone, but you may make a friend for life. After spending a long time together, you may also discover new smells that you had never imagined ---- even in your wildest dreams.
It is possible that it is your destiny to marry a banana. Don't let that chance slip away.
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Who is this?
That’s a lot of the same question
That’s a lot of the same question
That’s a lot of the same question
That’s a lot of the same question
That’s a lot of the same question
That’s a lot of the same question
That’s a lot of the same question
That’s a lot of the same question
That’s a lot of the same question
That’s a lot of the same question
That’s a lot of the same question
That’s a lot of the same question
That’s a lot of the same question
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